Now, more than any time in history, it is important that people start living in a way that is absolutely truthful for them. Even if I don’t personally appreciate your truth I still want you to go after that life with all that you have. It’s time to come out of the shadows and bring out your truths so that we can all stop wearing masks and lying to each other about who we really are.
Have you ever had a friend who you thought you knew really well and then they went and did a thing that just seemed really out of character to them and then you started thinking, “Maybe I don’t know who this person is after all?” That is an example of the damage that can happen when we aren’t honest with each other about who we are. It hurts to find out that someone has been lying to us for years about who they are. But we all do it. We’re programmed from birth by our parents to do that. It’s supposed to be polite to keep our darkness hidden and out of sight. But, is it really polite to hide your darkness? I don’t think so.
We all have some darkness in us. Some more than others. What I might consider a deep, dark secret inside my personality, to others might seem mild and inconsequential. If we just let that shit out and stop shaming ourselves and hiding it we’d all be a whole lot happier and we’d have real, lasting relationships with the people in our lives. Eventually the truth does come out and then it’s like a big boil on the face of your relationships with people. Its best to just be out about it.
Well, what if I’m a child molester and that is my truth, you might ask. Well, then you need to get help for that and stop doing it right away. But if you don’t come out about it and deal with it, the sickness will continue and you will hurt a lot more people in the long run. Sure, you’re going to lose some friends and family members and the trust of a lot of people because you came out as a child molester. There is a price for everything. Keeping it balled up inside you and not acting on it has its price. Confessing it and dealing with it has its price. Accepting it and acting on it has a price. You just have to decide which price you’re willing to pay. In this situation, I would say that all of them have hefty price tags, but owning up to it before you do anything and getting help for it is probably the least expensive of all. Even if you face rejection from those you care about now it is better than how it will be if you follow thru and get caught later. You have to weigh all of this out and decide for yourself what to do.
And, say you decide to molest children and pretend like you’re a trustworthy person and get caught. Don’t apologize and say you’re sorry for hurting those kids at that point. You’re not sorry that you molested those kids. You enjoyed it. You’re sorry that you got caught and now you’re trying to act like you couldn’t help it. Bullshit! We all have choices and it’s time we all started taking responsibility for the choices that we make. If I decide to drive my car into a building and kill a lot of people, I’m not going to be sorry that I killed those people. That was my intent. I wanted to kill people. I have to own that and accept the responsibility for my decision. And also take the punishment for it, whatever that is.
I’m NOT condoning any of these behaviors. I intentionally chose some of society’s most heinous sins to highlight for worst case situations. Hopefully none of my readers are child molesters or mass murderers. Hopefully you have some less harmful truth that you need to deal with. But if you are either of those things, please get some help for it and stop doing it immediately. Please!!!
Your truth might be that you really hate what you do for a living and only became that thing to please your parents. Deep down you really want to do something else as a profession. Well, you have a choice. You can continue to do the work you hate during the day and work towards becoming the thing you want to be at night and on weekends or you can just quit your job you hate and jump right into the thing you love. There are probably other options too, but these are the basic ones that come to mind immediately. Maybe you fear telling your dad that you don’t want to be a doctor (as an example) anymore because it just never was what you wanted for yourself. You know it will hurt him deeply and probably make him pretty angry. Maybe he will dis-own you over it. Again, this is worst case scenario (I hope). What do you do? You can carry on as a doctor to appease your father and inwardly rot because you know that you’re wasting your life. Or, you can be honest with him in as loving a way as you possibly can and tell him the truth. If he truly loves you, which I hope he does, he should be understanding and supportive of your decision. If he gets angry and dis-owns you then you really have to question his love for you and accept this about him. He is showing you HIS truth in that moment. It might not be pretty, but it is truth. He loves the idea of his child as a doctor more than he loves his child. At that moment. You have to remember that people can change and once they see how their actions are hurting those they care about they can often come around to acceptance. You just need to accept his truth in that moment and go do what is best for you regardless of his opinion. This is tough medicine to swallow, I know. But it is the best way for your own long term happiness and possibly for the relationship with your father as well. Once you both know the truth you can begin the process of rebuilding a real, honest and authentic relationship which you will both cherish for the rest of your lives.
Honesty is hard work. It takes courage, commitment and a lot of self love. Honesty, done with love and empathy for the other person/people is the best (and only, in my opinion) way to live your life. Living a lie is mostly hurting you, but it also hurts those around you. You might feel like you’re protecting them, but you’re not. You’re setting them up for even deeper pain in the long run when the truth does come out. And it does always come out at some point. Make it sooner than later and save them the added pain that comes with time and deception. The most loving thing you can do for yourself and your loved ones is live as truthfully as you possibly can. And if you don’t know what your truth is then you need to spend some time figuring that out. It might change over the course of your life. I know that mine did. When that happens and you need to make a major life correction it’s best to be honest about it as soon as you can. I had to tell my friends and family that I used to believe one thing about myself, but now that I have more information and wisdom I understand that that was not accurate. My truth really is _____________. Fill in the blank for yourself.
Remember, this is a school and we’re here to learn and grow. You really are allowed to change your mind and take a new road if that is what is right for you, even if it confuses and frustrates your family. They’ll adjust once they see that you really are a lot happier and peaceful. I can honestly say that I have experienced this first hand. I got a TON of push back for the changes I wanted to make to my life and really had NO support from my family for it. But I was so dedicated to my decision that I had to ignore that and follow my own inner voice that was compelling me forward. NOW, they all agree that this was absolutely the BEST thing that I could have done for myself. Why? Because it is SO obvious to them that I am a much happier and peaceful person. For the first time in my life I really know what it means to be happy. I’m not talking about the happy you feel when you win a game or get a new computer. I’m talking about an inner peace and inner happiness with yourself, with who you are that is unshakable. Nothing that happens around me or even TO me is going to change how happy I am inside with my life. I was willing to lose all of my family and friends to live my truth. That was the price I was willing to pay. I was hoping that it didn’t come to that, but I was prepared if it did. Fortunately, despite the fact that I was told time and time again that they would leave if I proceeded, they stayed and we have a stronger and more authentic, truthful relationship than ever before. My life is happier and better than I ever imagined because I had the courage and strength to go forward in my truth.
But they threatened to abandon you. They don’t love you very much.
Well, I did believe this for a while too. But then I realized that it wasn’t that they didn’t love me. It was that they were scared. When they said they would leave me it was their fear talking. The changes I wanted to make to my life terrified them and they could not see themselves in that scenario. They wanted nothing to do with it and did not want to deal with it in their own lives. But they do love me and they never stopped loving me. I certainly felt unloved and uncared for, as well as very alone for much of the time I was working towards my transformation, but I was always loved. And they didn’t leave me. In fact, they are more committed than ever to me and respect me more than I could ever imagine because of what I did.
So be brave. Be vulnerable. Be honest. First with yourself and then with your friends and family. I know this is scary stuff and it might hurt a lot at first. But in the long run it hurts a whole lot less than continuing to live in fear and angry at life. The resentment will eat you up inside and decay your relationships. Take a long look at yourself in the mirror and discover who you really are and dream of what/who you want to be and then go for it with gusto. Be loving and gentle with your loved ones and accept their reactions as how they are TODAY. Tomorrow could be very different. Their reactions can not impact your decisions. NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO DECIDE WHO YOU ARE BUT YOU.
The most loving thing you can do for yourself and your relationships is to live your truth honestly, respectfully, and with love in your heart.
Go forth Warriors of Truth and pave your own paths to your higher self and watch the Universe smile down on you in ways that you could never imagine possible.